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fortheloveofasub:

10 Considerations for Aspiring Dominants
 from the Society of Janus

1. Be Patient


Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no right to order him/her around. Give your sub, time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

2. Be Humble

You may be God’s/Goddess’ gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself . No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Don’t set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.

3. Be Open


Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in D/s-SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.

4. Communicate

You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing D/s-SM without this knowledge is like Russian roulette. Talk about your head-space and your view of D/s-SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.

5. Be Honest


If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.

6. Be Sensitive

There’s a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominant and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs and fantasies and your bottom’s needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.

7.Be Realistic


End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favourite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don’t try to imitate them to the last detail.

8. Be really Dominant


Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from cigarette ads or macho stereotypes. Your dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Respect and trust are a two way street for the sub to to you, they must receive and give both trust and respect. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don’t shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role - now take it!

9. Be Healthy


Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don’t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of “drugs and alcohol don’t affect me that much… I can do it anyway” violates your submissive’s trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don’t want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn’t be playing the game!

10. Have Fun


After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play.

THE UNWRITTEN LAW: If your sub says the safe word, play stops. If play is not consensual it is abuse and you can be charged!!



Society of Janus: http://www.soj.org/
 The author of this article is unknown. It has appeared in an early issue of Growing Pains, the Eulenspiegal Society’s Prometheus magazine, and the July, 1980 Growing Pains. A represenative of the Society of Janus has attributed ownership to SOJ — http://www.soj.org/ — but was unable to identify the author.

Good and accurate EXCEPT stopping with the safe word is NOT UNWRITTEN. Always stop. Or you cease to be a Dom and become an abuser or rapist. Remember that.

I am not an easy person to love. Some days I will whisper how beautiful you are while planting gentle kisses all over your body. You will giggle and try to fight me off and in that moment my heart will have never felt so light.

But other days when my mind is a storm cloud threatening to explode, I will be a bundle of emotions that I cannot quite keep contained. I will be cold, distant, and you will look at me like I am not the same person you fell in love with.

I am a broken light switch. My moods flicker without anyone flipping me on and off. I wake up each morning and wonder which me you will encounter that day. I always hope it is the one who makes you want to stick around.

I am not easy to love. But what I need you to understand is that whether there is a war raging inside of my mind or I am the kind person that you adore, I will always love you.

I will love you in the morning. I will love you when you cry. I will love you when I am angry. I will love you when you’re being stubborn. I will love you when I don’t even love myself. I will love you.

I know that there will be days when you want to give up on me but I am asking you, please don’t. You see, you are the only one who has been able to settle the storm inside of me before I even realize it is surfacing.

I am not easy to love but I promise that I will always put up a fight. And I will love you no matter which me my light switch flips on that day.

wow.. I couldn’t have put this any better, it resonates a lot to me. (via spilled-the-wine)

wow

(via jollyrogers777)

(Source: chickkyyychickk)

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